Because tools and add-ons like that would go a long way towards realizing Palmi’s admirable core goal: enabling and empowering people, safely and consciously, to really get their freak on. So there may well be the chance to add such a feature, mitigating the risk that people might use their app as an excuse to shut down and helping even more kinksters, especially newbies, navigate pre-, mid-, and post-scene negotiations on a much more fundamental level. NoGrey is now raising money to put together a second iteration of the app.
It is often a long, extensive list of likes and dislikes, things to try and things to never ever do.
If someone consistently gets negative reviews on responsiveness, the kink equivalent of Clippy (Whippy?) could pop up with communication guidance, or links to local negotiation education materials or courses. Checklists A BDSM checklist is an exploration tool developed by BDSM practitioners to help them organize their kinks, fetishes and interested activities, as well as provide them with a negotiation tool for playing with others. Bubbles could pop up, for instance, when one is building a scene with nuances to consider or ask a partner about pros who don’t need that advice could disable them. There are an almost infinite number of ways to do that via an app, even within the structure NoGrey.
#BDSM CHECKLIST LONG HOW TO#
It would be great to see an app that, instead of expediting or simplifying communication, focused on helping kinksters-or anyone, really-learn how to communicate with greater confidence, fluidity, and regularity before, during, and after intimate encounters. (One might assume bits of knowledge in someone who falsely portrays themselves as a seasoned rope bondage pro, for instance, and so perhaps gloss over key pre-play conversation points you wouldn’t otherwise.) Daveed also worries that offering a review system could disincentivize talking to one’s partners about bad experiences, which she notes is not always the best response to such an experience, but is often useful for both parties for learning how to better communicate with each other and others in the future. Palmi admits it is possible to game the current system as well, getting people to post reviews for interactions that never happened, which would not override someone getting flagged as outright dangerous, but could create false expectations of experience or responsiveness and further muddy communication waters. Unfortunately, the review element of NoGrey has been the most controversial with users to date, with debates breaking out on the app’s social media feeds about the ethics of how to run and present them. If you have a busted knee, Stryker points out, and don’t communicate that to a partner before, say, a rope suspension session, or keep them updated on how that knee is doing throughout the experience, there’s a chance that something could go wrong, leading to serious, lasting harm. And a lot more goes into planning a scene beyond just matching up interests. Also, just because a person was interested in piercing when they made a profile or tableau doesn’t mean they still will be when they meet up with a partner their desires could even change as a play session goes along. “Saying you are interested in piercing, for example, covers a lot of ground,” she says, from what might look like recreational acupuncture to a full, large needle being pushed through one cheek, across the mouth, and out the other. For one thing, notes Kitty Stryker-a sex writer, activist, and long-time kinkster-the same terms, or rankings of interest or experience in them, could mean drastically different things to people.
You may adapt and/or share the work for non-commercial purposes as long as a credit to the author and a link back to this original is included.Ĭheck on Rain City TNG upcoming events or join their Fetlife group on their website.Kink communication is about a lot more than just creating static fingerprints of interests or tableaus of scenes to compare with a partner. They have kindly made this negotiation sheet available under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0) License. They organize social, play, and educational based events and provide a safe space for young people to explore and understand the complexities of human sexuality. The Rain City TNG group is a non-profit social and educational organization based in Seattle, WA for those 18-35. Ask questions! When you say you want spanking, does that have to be limited to your butt, or can I smack your chest too? Discuss the terms, and maybe write in your own extras! When you’re done, you’ll have a physical list of what the plan for the scene is that will have far less confusion than if you tried to do it all off the top of your head. Using the “Tonight, I want…!” Negotiation Sheet is simple: Give one copy to each person in the scene and ask them to fill it out.
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